I picked this up in a used book pile somewhere. I had never read any of Tim Keller’s books, and I’m usually skeptical of hype. I learned that people are right to value his writing, and I plan to read more of his books in the near future.
First, I learned quickly that he is a good researcher. He gives the sense that he has sifted through the empirical research well, and his endnotes are a treasure-trove of evidence for his arguments. There are a lot of discouraging half-truths that shape people’s behaviour in our society: e.g., that any marriage has a high chance of divorce, that sex and cohabitation before marriage make divorce less likely, etc. Keller provides insightful proofs against such conclusions.
Second, Tim and Kathy share about their own lives in a way that makes them transparent but not self-glorifying. There is a hilarious story about her smashing some of their wedding china in order to get his attention at one point in their marriage, and there are some good stories about confused expectations etc.
Third, Keller works very hard at being grounded in both the words and the depths of the scriptures. The whole book is basically an exposition of Ephesians 5:22-33, with the gospel of salvation at the heart of it. He brings out biblical truth in such a way that someone familiar with the Bible (me) is not tempted to just skim over what he is saying, and also in such a way that (I think) someone who has never explored the Bible before would be drawn in.
In this way, their pattern for a happy marriage is based in finding our worth and happiness in Christ, letting him call us to serve our spouse, and loving the beauty of what Christ has planned for them. He emphasizes Hauerwas’ famous statement that “you never marry the right person; actually, you always marry the wrong person.” What counts is what you do from the point when you realize that.
WhatPastorSamIsReading 